Postnatal anxiety & finding my inner zen
- Louise Juniper
- Feb 23, 2016
- 3 min read
It is often said (and scientists agree) that Buddhists are happier and calmer people! While I don't consider myself a Buddhist, in recent years I have tried to embrace it and it's teaching as a foundation of peace, calm, happiness, love, and acceptance.
A few months after the birth of my second child, I started to experience some unpleasant feelings. Being my second, I knew these feelings were beyond the normal worries that often go alongside sleep deprivation and life with a newborn. I felt on edge most of the time.
I was convinced that something bad was going to happen me or my family. There was a feeling of terror that would grow inside me each day and I couldn't shake it. I started to experience scary intrusive thoughts: 'What if I accidentally dropped the baby down the stairs?' 'How could l live with that?' 'What would happen to me?' 'What would happen to my family?!'
I catastrophised every situation. If I had a headache, it was a brain tumour. You know the sort of thing?! I couldn't sleep at night. I would lay in bed and obsess over the smallest of things. I felt scared and alone in the world!
One day, I was at home cooking with the children when I suddenly felt very strange. My heart started pounding like it was going to explode. My body heated up like a furnace and I had a sensation that felt like chocking! I was petrified! I thought I was having a heart attack. I had this incredible urge to get out of the house and get help before I was left for dead in front of my kids.
As I ran outside , the strange feeling started to subside. The palpitations and other symptoms had gone but all was not well. I was left with a kind of wired, spaced out feeling that I can only really imagine is what it feels like to have an out of body experience.
I phoned my doctor and got an appointment straight away. After an examination and some questioning the doctor had his diagnosis: 'You have had a panic attack, and I suspect you are suffering with an Anxiety Disorder.' 'What?' I thought to myself, 'But don't believe in panic attacks!! Panic attacks are for drama queens who need to pull themselves together!' How cruel and false this judgement was, both to myself and anyone else who had ever experienced panic attacks.
Shortly after this I was diagnosed with Postnatal Anxiety. I was lucky enough to be covered by good private health care and got a weekly slot with a therapist at The Priory in South West London. I knew The Priory had a reputation for providing outstanding Mental Health care and had high hopes for my treatment. Within a few sessions, my anxiety and physical symptoms had reduced significantly.
By the end of my time there I was feeling calm and in control. I learned life skills that helped me cope and manage my anxiety and panic attacks. But you're wondering, 'What has all of this got to do with Buddhism?'
During one of my sessions, my therapist was encouraging me to take some exercise and quoted the Buddhist saying: 'To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear.' It suddenly struck me that many of the practices that my therapist encouraged were of Buddhist origin.
He stressed the importance of Mindfulness, Meditation, Yoga..all very important aspects of Buddhism. I questioned him and he explained that Modern Buddhism is providing new perspetives on the nature of psychological well-being and medical professionals are using these practices to help people learn more effective ways to work on and transform their lives. This day marked a turning point for me.
3 years on, and I still get anxiety from time to time. But nothing like I had prior to my treatment at The Priory. I embrace what I learned and when I start to feel anxious I use the Buddhist practices I was taught and I always 'feel' the difference.
Of course, the road to recovering from any mental health issue involves more than embracing a few Buddhist practices, but for me it marked a part of my journey on the road recovery and to personal growth, greater awareness and compassion. If you think you are suffering with postnatal anxiety or If you are interested in any of the practices discussed above, here are some useful links:
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